"last song" by Anika
Dark and urgent are not two words I would typically use together to describe music, but Abyss is a dark and urgent album by singer, songwriter and experimental artist Anika.
“last song” is the second to last song on Anika’s album Abyss and I included it in episode 26 of blank mood. I appreciate the honesty of the lyrics and Anika’s expression of emotions at complete odds.
oh please forgive me. know that i’ll always hate you.
oh please forgive me. know that i’ll always resent you.
oh please forgive me. know that i’ll always want you.
oh please forgive me. know that i’ll always resent you.
“It's about the conflicting emotions we experience daily/hourly as humans,” said Annika. “Humans are complex, our emotions and experiences are complex. We don't always have a space to vent this complexity, rawness or vulnerability.”
Abyss is a heavy-handed album, lyrically and sonically. Many tracks hit the listener with thick, bad-ass bass. Lyrical repetition drives the nail deeper and deeper. More honest, emotional confusion and confrontation is found in tracks like “Walk Away”.
the truth is i don’t really like myself.
and the truth is i don’t really like anyone else
and the truth is i’d rather be alone than with you.
and the truth is i’d rather be at home than with you.
“I want to create a space again where it's ok to not know the answer, to have conflicting opinions or moods, even within yourself - it's part of being human - you can sometimes love, hate, resent the same person or even yourself all at once or one day after the other,” explained Annika. “It's ok to not know.’
Is it negative of me to assume that everyone will have experienced some form of emotional turmoil that eats them up inside? The kind that oscillates between love and hate, freedom and commitment, fear and confidence, loneliness and belonging. Anyone reading this will also have most likely found solace in music, just as it sounds Annika has and would like others to find.
“I think music and live shows specifically are a beautiful and inclusive space for these varying and often seemingly contradictory emotions,” she said. “You don't need to talk, you can just feel and dance and sweat, cry, sing the the emotions out, unknot them.”
Just as the songs of Abyss, Annika expresses a realistic and critical view on the current culture of self, experience and social media, but leaves room for optimism in pro-active change.
“You can lose yourself for a minute, providing you're not too busy doing a selfie of yourself in front of the stage. I think a live concert or a club, can be a space to let go of self-awareness for a second, embrace the body, the space - of course this is increasingly hard with our recording and documenting devices, but I think this freedom space can be reclaimed.”
Catch Anika live this summer at End of the Road Festival in the UK or during her tour of the US and Canada in September and October 2025. You can get Abyss on vinyl or CD from Sacred Bones, Anika’s Bandcamp or hhv (they’ve got an exclusive signed edition).
If you’re interested in Anika’s performance at Grauzone in The Hague this year, she’s included in my short round-up of the festival.